A common series of questions I come across from people early in career goes something like, ‘should I ever self-disclose? Is it ok? Is it professional? Is it ethical?’
The question often comes up as though there is one true answer, with people wanting to know in black-and-white terms what is and isn’t ok. The challenge with self-disclosure is that there isn’t really one answer or one source of truth. There isn’t even necessarily one appropriate response to a given situation. The closest thing to a clear answer I can give is that self-disclosure is not ok if it is causes harm.
There is a spectrum of views about self-disclosure. I have encountered the full spectrum in my career, from colleagues who have trained in psychoanalytic therapy and believe their role is to essentially provide a blank screen, to colleagues who work as peer work where their role is all about telling their stories and using their own lived experience in the service of therapeutic work. My colleagues on each end of that spectrum have been skilled, professional and ethical practitioners.
I’ve people who have seen therapists who have left sessions frustrated because their psychologist overshared so much that the session felt like it was about the psychologist and not the person. I’ve seen people who have found sessions with their psychologist to be excruciatingly awkward and unhelpful because they were presented with a blank slate and did not know enough about their psychologist to feel safe in the session.
Regardless of the spectrum of views about self-disclosure, I have not encountered any therapist who has not disclosed some things about themselves.
Let’s break down why I believe this.
Picture this. You’re seeing a therapist. It’s in a nice part of town, in a heritage building. You climb the stairs to enter. The psychologist looks about middle-aged. They’re white, and have long blonde hair that is immaculately straight. They are dressed stylishly in business casual wear, a skirt, heels, a nice blazer. The room has a couple of comfortable seats, with a desk in the corner with a laptop. The colours of the wall are beige. There are some landscape paintings on the walls. The lighting is soft.
Your therapist introduces themselves. They smile and make eye contact with you and invite you to choose a seat in the room. They speak in low tones. They speak in an Australian accent, and sound educated, speaking in the accent variation known as ‘cultivated.’ Their voice is warm and comforting. When they sit, they relax into their chair and you feel your body relaxing as well.
Scenes like this play out across psychology sessions all over the country.
And yet, look at what their appearance, setting, body language and way of speaking might have suggested to you.
As an exercise, ask yourself:
- What do you know about their education?
- What about their generation?
- Where do you think they might have grown up or spent time?
- Any thoughts on their possible socioeconomic status?
- What does climbing stairs to visit their practice suggest about their physical ability?
When we think about self-disclosure, we often think about verbal communication only, which is quite bizarre considering just how much of our communication is non-verbal. Even if we don’t disclose with words, our appearance, environment, body language, scent, gait and so many other factors communicate something about ourselves.
We already know this. If you are reading as a mental health professional, chances are you know something about mental state exams. Of course people notice things about how other people present themselves. Humans are a social species. We don’t just do it because we are trained to.
I would like you to give up on the idea of never disclosing anything about yourself. You already are, because you are part of the world and interacting with other humans.
Instead, I want you to consider a much more important question.
How can I ensure that any self-disclosure I engage in is appropriate and ethical?
Don’t just think about your words. Consider all of the many other ways you might disclose things about yourself to people you support, and the messages you would like to give to your clients.
Much of my career has been spent in youth mental health. I originally coloured my hair rainbow quite intentionally many years ago. What do you think I wanted to disclose to the young people and families I worked with?
Start with how you present as a foundation when considering self-disclosure. We’ll think about the words another time.
Ceara Rickard, Psychologist 